Let’s cut to the chase. Often times, we do and say a lot of things simply because we don’t understand how it can make others feel. Now, this is ESPECIALLY true during wedding planning season. Soo here we are lol. Now that I’m on the other side of a wedding, I decided to reach out to some fellow wives and current brides to find out what were/are some things that they wished people knew they found bothersome. This post is on behalf of every bride that has wished she could let people in on the truth. Receive this in love lol. I promise we mean no harm.
Here we go:
1. “I don’t think I received my invite… you need my address?”
STOP ASKING FOR INVITES! I’m so so sorry for yelling. Let me try again. Please stop requesting wedding invitations. No matter how slyly you think you’re doing it lol. Couples are often under a great deal of stress trying to figure out how to invite their friends, family, and loved ones while still working around their budget. I promise you, they mean no disrespect.
Guest pro-tip: patiently wait to receive an invitation. If you don’t, know that the couple still loves you and wishes you could celebrate with them.
2. If you do receive an invitation, respond on-time… pretty please.
Planning an entire event is stressful and its harder because almost everything depends on the number of people that’ll be invited (food, chairs, etc). Your response to an RSVP is important! Do not assume that the couple knows your lack of a response equates to a “no, I can’t make it.” These days, the RSVP process is even electronic, making it easier for you. Just do it. Don’t make the couple chase you down for an answer.
3. Not being able to make it is okay. Just NOT showing up isn’t.
So you’ve received your invitation, you’re beyond ecstatic to celebrate the couple, and you’ve submitted your RSVP stating you’ll attend. Cool! 2 months later, you realize your plans have changed and you’re now unable to make it. Cool. Not letting the couple know and just not showing up? NOT cool. Couples understand that things come up and plans change. Be sure to update your RSVP! You may have just freed up a seat for another one of the couple’s loved ones.
Pro-tip for couples: Provide a simple “if your plans have changed” line in an email or invite! It goes a long way as a friendly reminder for guests.
4. “Can I bring a plus one?”
This is so difficult when you’re on a budget yet trying to respect your friends’ relationships. Couples would love nothing more than their friends’ boos and baes to be present for their nuptials. However, if they’re unable to accommodate your boo and your invitation is for you and you alone, please don’t take it personally. Know that they’re really trying their best to make sure that they stay within their means.
5. “Can I see your dress?”
What’s a really nice way to say “nah?” lol. Most brides understand that people are simply excited and eager to talk about all things related to the wedding. However, do yourself a favor and avoid placing the bride in an awkward situation where she could potentially say no. You may find that some brides are more liberal in giving previews with their dresses which is equally okay! Just know that that’s not everyone’s cup of tea.
Guest Pro-tip: just wait until you see the bride walk down the aisle loll. Love yall.
6. Wedding talk is beautiful but be sure to ask the couple how THEY’RE doing.
While wedding planning goes on, the lives of the couple still keeps going. That means work, school, fun activities, and anything else they were involved in before they got engaged. Check-in on them emotionally. Wedding stress is a different level of stress and I’m sure any bride and groom would appreciate you checking on their well-being. It gives couples a much needed mental break.
7. “You love aso ebi, You love aso ebi not”
For those unfamiliar with Nigerian culture, “aso ebi” in Yoruba essentially translates to the “clothes of the family/people.” Simply put, this is a material selected by the couple and sold to friends and family for the wedding day. Often times, a headcount is needed of those interested because aso ebi is ordered based on the demand. 50 people say they want the material? You order 50 to avoid wasting money. However, a few brides have run into issues with people listing their name down and then backing out. Leaving the bride with unneeded/extra material. Try to mindful, okay? Promise?
8. “I know you said no kids…. But can my kids come?”
Couples inevitably will have children in their lives that they have great relationships with. However, if a couple requests that the wedding events be “adult only,” please try to abide by that. Kids have mouths that require food too lol. More food means more money and that’s like strolling in with 3 little “plus ones.” Refer to #4.
9. Last but not least…. the family guest count. Whew.
All brides unanimously agreed that having family members come up with a guest count was one of the toughest parts of wedding planning. Planning early is important and coming up with the guest list is no exception. Start thinking about those you would love to see on the big day early.
Pro-tip for Couples: Come up with your ideal guest count for your wedding and allocate guest numbers early. Ex: If you desire a max of 200 people at your wedding, you could allocate the bride and groom’s family to have 60 guests each leaves 80 for the couple. Let each side know their limit early.
Have you done 1 or 7 of these things? That’s okay! What’s important is that you recognize the error of your ways LOL. I’m kidding... kind of. On the other side of wedding planning, I am more aware and more sensitive to brides and couples going through the wedding planning process. Shout out to my amazing friends and 2020 brides that helped me to compile this list!
Have a no-no list of your own or tips to share with newly engaged couples? Sharing is caring, drop a few below.