Marriage is a Mirror
“What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes, encouraging me to be sanctified [set apart for God’s use] and cleansed, and to grow in godliness.” (Gary Thomas- Sacred Marriage)
Do NOT get married if you do not want to be forced to reckon with ugly parts of yourself. Read that again. And again. I stand by that 100%. Marriage forces you to deal with areas of your life that you’ve swept under the rug for so long, you forgot they were there. It challenges that areas you thought you were strong in. I once thought I was the world’s most understanding and flexible person. It took one situation where things didn’t go my way for me to realize how false that was. I found myself trying soooo so hard to exude the qualities I proclaimed I had. Maybe in actuality, I never really had them. Or maybe I had never been pushed to exercise them in such a way. Either way, time and time again marriage has been a mirror. And I’m grateful for that. Each day I emerge a more beautiful me, closer to the image Jesus had in mind when He created me.
Off and on for the last few years, a twitter conversation pops up about whether or not love is “enough” is to sustain a relationship. Obviously other things matter and go into sustaining a relationship, but LOVE in the Biblical sense HAS to be the foundation of any relationship. We’ve all come across 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 at some point in our lives -
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Love is God. Love is the embodiment of every good thing God is - including and certainly not limited to His being merciful, being graceful, and laying your His down for us. If the biblical meaning of love (as opposed to the fickle form of the world) in its entirety is genuinely lived out in a marriage, how could it not be sustained? I think so often i have confused expressions of love (gifts, hugs, etc) as love itself. Walking through marriage with the Lord is definitely helping me to undo that definition. Love joyfully is making my husband’s (read: our) life easier by making sure we never run out of things. Thank you, Couponing lol. It’s rewatching episodes of Grey because he’s late to the party, so I can be close to him... and because it’s an amazing show lol. It is remaining patient and expecting the best when you have every reason not to. It’s found in the smallest of things.
The Pursuit of a Dream
2020 has been a year of both of us pursuing things that bring us joy. For me, that’s been working with students in the world of nursing education. For my husband, it’s been the process of applying to a pediatric residency. For the both of us, it’s been finding our footing in a new city with a desire to serve through our local church and keeping up with content creation- shoutout to him for always being down to flick me up lol. I appreciate the fact that we have individual endeavors that we can support one another in, while having something to work towards to together. We all know marriage is the beautiful coming together of two people but, that by no means means that you have to toss your ambitions to the wayside. Proverbs 27:17 says “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.” That is the beauty of a union. Be with someone that will push you to be the best version of yourself in ALL of your gifts.
Whew. I could write an epistle about the highs and the lows this year has brought. What I can say is that I'm grateful to God for keeping this marriage up until this point. 2 days until our official anniversary!